The Worst Films Ever Produced

The Worst Films Ever Produced

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Leonard Part 6 (1987)

Though there are plenty of concepts and set pieces in Leonard Part 6, they aren’t really excellent or clever. A lot of money, talent, and Coca-Cola product placements went into the movie.

Leonard Parker, a former spy who is now a restaurant owner, is lured out of retirement by Bill Cosby to find a “vegetarian and former ecologist” who has a technique for manipulating the minds of different animals. With his flying ostrich and underarm rocket launcher, Cosby is the only one who can save the day after this formula transforms gophers, frogs, and lobsters into insane killers that can catapult vehicles through the air.
It may have seemed like silly fun, and under Barry Sonnenfeld’s direction, it might have been another Men in Black, yet every joke hits home. You might like Wild Wild West if you didn’t believe it had enough half-baked ideas.

1964, The Creeping Terror

Even before the “monster” shows up on screen, this creature picture, which was written by the director of a 3D softcore porno, produced by a scammer, and starred its own financiers, had little to offer. Our enemy, who is referred to by Harry and Michael Medved as “a man-eating carpet from outer space,” is just a carpet that is stretched over a number of students, the feet of whom are visible at the bottom of the screen.

The tone is set in the opening scene, which features poor lighting, poor acting, poor photography, mismatched stock footage, and stale narration. Either the film was shot without sound or the soundtrack was lost during post-production, so director Art J. Nelson (who also plays the lead under the alias “Vic Savage”) hired a local newsreader to narrate it. As a result, there are multiple scenes where voice-over paraphrases character conversations.

The degree of technical ineptitude on exhibit here is not excused by the fact that any film in which a female has a picnic in the woods while wearing a bikini is not aiming for High Art. The cameraman’s cigarette smoke floating into shot after an on-screen death, together with all the obvious ropes, wires, and crew personnel, leaves you wondering what Nelson really did.

Burn Hollywood Burn, a film directed by Alan Smithee (1998)

Sliver, Jade, and Showgirls made Joe Eszterha a joke, but Flashdance, Jagged Edge, and Basic Instinct made him famous, thus Burn Hollywood Burn, a “insider” satire from the man best suited to write it, was the screenwriter’s attempt to bite the hand that fed him. It ought to have been outstanding. It isn’t.

Burn focuses on Trio, a $200 million police film whose director, Alan Smithee (Eric Idle), would rather steal the negative and hold it to ransom than attach his name to it. Roger Ebert has praised the film as “a spectacularly bad film – incompetent, unfunny, ill-conceived, badly executed, lamely written and acted by people who look trapped in the headlight!” You see, he is unable to employ a pseudonym since the Director’s Guild utilizes Alan Smithee when a director declines to give credit.

Burn’s director, Arthur Hiller, was so frantic to avoid being linked to this mishap that he adopted the Smithee alias, turning An Alan Smithee production into a legitimate Alan Smithee production. Actually, this is the most hilarious “joke” in the film.

Not only is Eszterhas just concerned in sophomoric jokes, but the actors overplays at every chance, which could have worked if the pseudo-documentary had avoided cheap gags in favor of a genuine plot. You know you’re in trouble when the comedy heavyweights in a film include Ryan O’Neal, Sylvester Stallone, and Robert Evans.

Blackenstein (1973)

Blaxploitation is applied to another public domain horror film, this time with far less intriguing consequences than Dr. Black Mr. Hyde and Blacula.

A former pupil brings some news to Dr. Stein, an evil genius who “just won the Noble Prize for solving the DNA genetic code,” as he is lazing around his lab. Her partner Eddie, who lost his arms and legs in Vietnam, is returning home. She asks the Doc for assistance because she knows he is a specialist in limb reattachment, and you can imagine what that means.

Don’t get excited because Eddie doesn’t get off his slab and start plodding around punishing those who abused him until half the film is finished. In actuality, there is absolutely no reason to waste your time with this time waster, which lacks the decency to be witty, has a shoddy appearance, and is full of dull characters.

The Beast Yucca Flats (1961)

Coleman Francis, a filmmaker with such terrible taste that he let John Carradine sing the theme song to one of his films, had the unpleasant distinction of having all three of his films mocked on Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

In his first feature, The Beast Of Yucca Flats, Francis narrates the entire film in deadpan style rather than having actors dub in lines. The effect is, at best, perplexing. The film was shot MOS (“Mit Out Sound”) and dubbed in post-production. The “plot” centers on a “noted scientist” who wanders onto a nuclear testing zone (portrayed by Swedish wrestler Tor Johnson).

In Francis’s first film, The Beast Of Yucca Flats, a Swedish wrestler named Tor Johnson plays a “noted scientist” who stumbles upon a nuclear testing zone and turns into the titular monster. which, if Francis hadn’t chosen to film MOS (“Mit Out Sound”) and dub it in post-production, might have made for a fun B-movie.

Francis narrates the film in a deadpan manner rather than employing actors to perform lines, and the results are, at best, puzzling. Francis commands the police to “find the beast and kill him” as they approach Johnson. Kill or perish! The cruelty of man to man! Francis asserts, “Flag on the Moon,” as characters are depicted as perplexed by the beast’s departure. How did it arrive? All you can do is scratch your head.

Eegah! (1963)

A trio of morons, believing that giants must exist because “the Bible says so,” search for them in California’s Bronson Canyon. They soon come upon 7-foot-2 Richard Kiel, who appears far less intimidating than he did in The Spy Who Loved Me because to his amusing fake beard and loincloth.

In any case, Kiel kidnaps a young girl and presents her to his “family,” which consists of a number of corpses that she says “nice to meet you” to one by one. She then shows him a razor and shaving soap before her boyfriend comes to her aid. Kiel is upset at this and yells the only thing he says in the movie, “Eegah!” while promising to get her back.

Arch, a producer, director, and actor I Love You Vicky is a strange song written to a girl named Roxy. Hall Sr. supposedly came up with the idea after meeting Kiel, placed his secretary as the female protagonist, and tried to make his son seem like Elvis. Amazingly, Eegah! became a drive-in success, recouping its $15,000 investment after just one showing. “That the damn thing did so well was always sort of a subject of laughter,” Hall remarked years later.

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